No More Mr. Nice Pie

No More Mr. Nice Pie
Drawing by Retsu Takahashi

Pie-ku

Roll out the jolly
It's all about the cookies
Well earned Pie-atus

Pie Anxiety
When you wake to find your dream
Is reality

Not in a good way

The cinnamon scented broom
Takes my breath away

Pie-oh-neer Women

Unafraid of Thanksgiving
Keep rolling along

You say potato

I say yam and bourbon and
Brittle on the side

One for the Baker

Is why a Baker's Dozen
Is thirteen not twelve

Beware the sharp knife

When prepping quinces for pie
Espresso can wait

I just can't help it

Gluten free mini cupcakes
Make me plum crazy

The long, winding road

Leads to chocolate walnut
When pears are not ripe

The apple cake sticks

In the non-stick Bundt pan try
Apple pie instead

And when the rains came

Commercial plastic wrap saved
The pies from drowning

How do you keep her

In New Jersey now that she's
Seen Rensselaerville?

Jell-O and Cool Whip

Cozy in a pie shell but
Nellie and Joe win

A pie tour you say?

Where is Ellen to play judge?
Unavailable

Can I have a job?

Cover letter, Resume
It's Boston Cream PIE?

Gone to read and write

See you in September, please
Turn off the oven

Hey! It's your birthday

But you ate all the peaches
Sigh... No pie for you

He says I'm kneady

I thought we were just peachy
Truth is, he's flaky

My Cherry amour

Pretty little pie that I
Adore a la mode

On July the 4th

Proclaim your pie dependence
Red, white, blueberry

Fresh raspberry pie?

Swedish Chef nods bork! bork! bork!
And serves Snozzberry

Lattice be pie pals

Cherry said to apricot
Won't crimp your style

Don't say I never

Baked you your very own pie
Happy Father's Day

Elbow meets oven

Hip meets corner of table
Baker black and blue

Smoke gets in your eyes

When you think the pie plate is
Deep dish but it's not

Uncork the champagne 

Slice up the strawberry tart
No more tuition

Graduation Pie

Two parts pineapple one cream
Magna Rum Laude

No breakfast in bed

Baking pies all the day long
Where's my Mimosa?

What'll it be Pal?

cinco de Mayo Pie-oh
And a whipped cream shot

Guilty cried the Judge

What is my crime, Your Honor?
No pie for the Judge

Rhubarb is not fruit

It's a vegetable that stained
My new white shirt red

No pie on Pesach

Coconut macaroons will
Rise above the rest

Here comes cherry pie

There goes the white tablecloth
Where is the stain stick?

Mr. Oven Man

Thank you Three fifty is now
Really Three fifty

Challenging road trip

Poor tire flat as pie dough
Pass me the 'donut'

Could not did not sleep

Now it's half past dark thirty
Time to make the pies

Three point one four day

Is just around the corner
Pre-heat your oven

Mile High Pie, Sigh

Wish I were in New Orleans
It's not snowing there

Non-stick cooking spray

I loathe thee You're slippery
Whoops drop whoops drop whoops

Snowmageddon falls

I will shovel then eat pie
And curse the Groundhog 

Distracted baker

Add the powder, soda, salt
Wait. Didn't I just...?

Pizza pie perches

On the roof of my car for
Just a second, whoops...


He says I'm kneady

I thought we were just peachy
Truth is, he's flaky

My Cherry amour

Pretty little pie that I
Adore a la mode

On July the 4th

Proclaim your pie dependence
Red, white, blueberry

Fresh raspberry pie?

Swedish Chef nods bork! bork! bork!
And serves Snozzberry

Lattice be pie pals

Cherry said to apricot
Won't crimp your style

Don't say I never

Baked you your very own pie
Happy Father's Day

Elbow meets oven

Hip meets corner of table
Baker black and blue

Smoke gets in your eyes

When you think the pie plate is
Deep dish but it's not

Uncork the champagne 

Slice up the strawberry tart
No more tuition

Graduation Pie

Two parts pineapple one cream
Magna Rum Laude

No breakfast in bed

Baking pies all the day long
Where's my Mimosa?

What'll it be Pal?

cinco de Mayo Pie-oh
And a whipped cream shot

Guilty cried the Judge

What is my crime, Your Honor?
No pie for the Judge

Rhubarb is not fruit

It's a vegetable that stained
My new white shirt red

No pie on Pesach

Coconut macaroons will
Rise above the rest

Here comes cherry pie

There goes the white tablecloth
Where is the stain stick?

Mr. Oven Man

Thank you Three fifty is now
Really Three fifty

Challenging road trip

Poor tire flat as pie dough
Pass me the 'donut'

Could not did not sleep

Now it's half past dark thirty
Time to make the pies

Three point one four day

Is just around the corner
Pre-heat your oven

Mile High Pie, Sigh

Wish I were in New Orleans
It's not snowing there

Non-stick cooking spray

I loathe thee You're slippery
Whoops drop whoops drop whoops

Snowmageddon falls

I will shovel then eat pie
And curse the Groundhog 

Distracted baker

Add the powder, soda, salt
Wait. Didn't I just...?

Pizza pie perches

On the roof of my car for
Just a second, whoops...

Apple Cinnamon

Kindred to pie and strudel
Bagels? Not so much

Grapefruit seeks pie shell

Meringue loves only lemon
Grapefruit sits alone

Holidays be still

My rolling pin is weary
January.  Sigh

Why do I forget

The left-handed oven mitt
It has a hole. Ouch

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